In Titus 2:4 the older women are first instructed to teach the younger women to love their husbands. Husbands are listed before their children.  I am watching so many couples my age fall apart as their children go off to college or get married and the couple finds themselves alone together. They have spent their married life living 2 separate lives and now their relationship is wobbly and they aren’t sure how to handle it. Now that the children aren’t taking all of her time, she’s not sure how to focus on her husband. So here are a couple of pointers to help the younger women try to avoid that “insecure” stage of marriage.

Don’t live separate lives.

Does this mean you have to do everything together? Of course not.  But do you know his schedule? Does he know yours? Do you plan your calendars together? Or just fill them up individually and then wonder why you don’t have time for each other? I feel SO sorry for couples that don’t communicate. Talk to each other.

Make sure you are scheduling time to be together, especially if you have children. Work to make sure that you are getting a date night at least once a month. Time together, alone, as a couple is SO important! Don’t make the mistake of thinking you will have plenty of time for that later. If God grants you both a long life will you know each other?

I know this won’t work for everyone, but Wayne and I go to bed together every night. There have been a few exceptions with him working on a project or one of us being sick. It may be my favorite time of the day. We visit about our day and what tomorrow holds.

It is SO important that you stay connected! You must work at that “being one” aspect of marriage.

God, Daddy, THEN the children.

I realize how much time your children take. You can’t just ignore an infant when they are crying to be fed. But your husband MUST know that he comes before those children in your heart. I have watched moms give all of their heart to their children, leaving their husband out in the cold.  Then she wonders why he isn’t interested in her any more.  Don’t neglect your relationship with your husband as you focus on your children.

• Make sure you make parenting decisions together. That way he is allowed to lead and is a part of the family and not just “the Dad.”
• ALWAYS back up his parenting decisions in front of the children. He must know that you respect him. The children must know that you respect him.
• Be careful not to let your children always take your attention away from your husband. They can wait a minute if your husband is talking.
• Have a bedtime for your children. They need the sleep anyway.  We always put ours to bed by 8 and then Wayne and I had the rest of the evening for each other.
• Don’t forget to show him that you love him! Have his favorite meal. Put a “love note” in his wallet or lunch. Text him an “I love you.”  (Those of you focused on yourself are thinking, “He never does that for me.”  Maybe there is a reason.)

My nest is basically empty, Leslie just comes home for summers and holidays. So most of the time it’s just me and Wayne…and we LOVE it! We work together and play together. We made it this far with the Lord’s help and you can too. Don’t let go of God’s hand and try these pointers so that one day you don’t turn and look and ask, “Hey, who are you?”

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Tami Roberts

Tami Roberts is striving to be a shining light for the Lord.She and her husband Wayne travel around the country sharing their marriage seminar, "His Shoes, Her Shoes".Tami also uses her "extra" time to speak at different women's gatherings. She puts together the Spiritual Development Retreats for the Come Fill Your Cup website for women. Tami writes for several different websites and She and Wayne have raised five children and are enjoying six grandchildren.

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