This morning I had the most overwhelming appointment with my doctor that I have ever experienced. 2 weeks ago I had my 20 week ultrasound. The doctor told me that all the vital organs looked fine but they would like to repeat the ultrasound. “We can’t visualize the lower spine,” she told me. I of course asked the very obvious question “what exactly does that mean.” She explained that although they could visualize the upper spine, they simply couldn’t see the lower spine. She used all the scary medical jargon that makes you queasy. Neural tube defect, major abnormality, spina bifida. I was immediately overwhelmed with all the possibilities but she honestly doesn’t know, these are all just possibilities.
It’s amazing the immediate feelings of loss over what is still unknown. My son may never walk me to my seat at his wedding, he may never run, jump, climb trees, or play soccer. All of my worst fears for my any of my children came crashing to the front of my mind.
I held it together, got home, talked Chuck into going to the office and made my 3 beautiful children some breakfast. Then I took a few minutes and I prayed. I cried and I begged God for something I have never honestly asked for before.Wisdom. I just want to understand why I need to experience this. It is amazing to me how quickly God works sometimes. I read the book of James and I asked knowing that God would give me all the understanding that I needed but I didn’t quite expect him to give so quickly. Here is what I have come to understand in the last 4 hours.
1) My son doesn’t need 2 strong legs. He needs a love for God’s word, the ability to learn and the desire to teach.
2) My son doesn’t need 2 strong legs. God does not measure our worth to him through our ability to run, jump, climb trees, play soccer or even escort our mother to her seat at our wedding. If my son uses his life to glorify God and to love, encourage and teach those around him then he is worth much to God.
3) My son doesn’t need 2 strong legs. My son has a strong father, a loving mother, 2 big brothers and a big sister who will carry him. More than a physical family who will physically carry him, he also has a heavenly Father who will carry him in the most important way, spiritually.
4) My son doesn’t need 2 strong legs. I am learning as I get older, and as God helps humble me, that perfection cannot be based on an earthly standard. Having a whole body will not get you to heaven. Perfection can only be achieved through being wholly devoted to God and allowing God to make you complete.
I can hear people reading this and thinking it’s really just one point. We get it. Your son doesn’t need 2 strong legs. It becomes a pretty significant point though when you really think about it. My son may have 2 strong legs. Right now I don’t know. What I do know is that he doesn’t need them and because of that I am at peace.
By Brianna Ramseur
Brianna and her husband Chuck worship with the North Sheridan Road church of Christ where Chuck serves as a minister. They have two sweet boys (Malachi and Isaiah) and a sweet baby girl, Naomi with another boy due this fall. They graduated from the Bear Valley Bible Institute of Denver in 2010.
Welcome! We are so glad you stopped by. Come Fill Your Cup is a group of Christian ladies dedicated to equipping women for study and service. We know you are busy and that life’s hectic pace pulls you in so many directions, but you can’t truly be the woman God desires unless you take time to fill your own cup…not with spa days (though we love a good spa!) or the latest novel…but with God’s Holy Word. We want to help you with that! Our goal is to reach you in the midst of your busy day and give you encouragement, education, and fellowship as you strive to live the life God has laid before you. Our prayer is that we can help fill your cup so that you, in turn, can overflow to all those around you. So, as we like to say…come fill your cup, and let it overflow!
Wonderful words of wisdom, and your one point IS the point! I’ll be praying for you and your family.
Powerful words. As the parent of a special needs child, this is a very important reminder as well. Thank you so much!
I experienced a situation in which we were told our daughter would be an invalid. I remember as you, getting on my knees and realizing that it didn’t matter…it didn’t matter if she was, she was still our daughter and no matter what happened, the Lord would provide. I was overcome with peace and contentment. Our daughter is fine, but it was that moment that has defined me since. Thank you so much for sharing this difficult situation and your wisdom.
Prayerfully,
Tracy
Wow!!!! Your son is not even here and he has already blessed me so much!!!!! Great article. I will be praying for yall!!!!
Sweet words from a loving mama! God bless you and yours.
Brianna,
God bless you and yours!!!
When my family was going through an incredibly difficult situation, I too asked God to help me understand why. You have come to an incredible realization about what your son needs and I applaud you for being willing to receive wisdom that was far different from the kind you were hoping to get.
I want to share with you what I learned, because there may be something in that for you as well. I learned that I don’t have to know why. I just have to trust that God knows why. If we have sight, we don’t need faith. Sometimes our faith is strengthened through circumstances that we can never understand, just because we choose to have faith in spite of them.
Praying for your family and your son. <3
This news was new to me yesterday and so being fresh I was yet sick over this. However, because of your writing this article I can think of it moving forward now. Any of us will roll up our sleeves and probably find that we will love this child more than other children and see that this child has a great purpose, but for you to understand this so soon is truly Our Father’s careful (care) of your mind and spirit and soul.I will pray for a healthy baby in God’s will and hope to meet him some day and pray for you and yours.
Powerful post. It took great courage to share this. We faced a spinal defect with our fifth child that surfaced only after he was born. After two surgeries, he is “repaired,” but will have some issues the rest of his life. But then again, don’t we all? Your focus is correct. Your dependence is pleasing to God, and beneficial to all who read. Thank you for sharing.
Briana, That was one of the most beautiful articles that I have ever had the pleasure to read. I am so thankful and happy for you that in your trial you relied on God and are at peace with the outcome, whatever it may be. Your son, and your family, are blessed to have you as their mother and wife. I love you all! In Christ, Paula
Oops, Brianna 🙂
Briana, you are a wise and dear sister to not only seek out His word in trial, but to then share that sought out wisdom with us. It is a sad and simple fact of true Christianity that our strength is made perfect in weakness. It is only the trials of life that make us stronger and more deeply rooted in His word. My God bless you, dear sister!
Love another sister in Christ,
Debbie