It’s that time of year again. MVPs are announced, GPAs compared, valedictorians selected,
play-offs won, senior shows visited, final concerts played, awards given, and accomplishments
celebrated. In the highly competitive nature of academics and athletics, there are winners and
losers. Successful “going somewhere” kids and those whose God-given talents might not have
been given the opportunity to fully emerge yet. As adults, it is easy to get caught up in the
comparisons and yearn for our kids to succeed according to our current cultural standards. After
all, monitoring our children’s progress is part of our job as parents. Even God tracked and saw
fit to report on Jesus’ growth as a youth. Note the measure of success that He used for Jesus as
a young boy:

And the child grew and became strong, filled with wisdom. And the favor of God was upon him. (Luke 2:40)

When Jesus turned 12, this was God’s progress report:

And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man. (Luke 2:52)

Strength, wisdom, and favor. That is what God, creator of heaven, earth, and each of us, cares
about. Are our children growing and becoming strong? Are they increasing in wisdom? Do people respect them? Are their lives pleasing to God?

In the sometimes overwhelming sea of expectations, this feels like such a welcomed relief and a
reset to attainable expectations. Your kids may excel at sports, or not. Achieve high marks, or
not. Be incredible musicians, or not. Win awards, or not so much. All of that is extraneous to
what is fundamentally important. God simply desires each of His children to grow in wisdom and
stature in favor with Him and others.

Easy enough on paper, but what does that look like in real life? The details will vary based on
each child and their family, but here are some ideas to recenter expectations, especially when
our children feel they are not “measuring up” to the world’s standards, or we as parents lose
sight of our ultimate goal.

Along the Way Application

When your child is frustrated about losing a game or not being recognized athletically:

Ask about the goal of athletics. Did you start playing sports just to win or because you loved the
sport? Has your entire season been a waste simply because of the outcome? Do you know that
Paul compared the training we do for sports to the training God expects of us? What skills/habits have you learned through sports that will help you reach your goal of heaven?

For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding
promise for both the present life and the life to come. (1 Timothy 4:8)

When your child is frustrated about academics:

Remind them that learning is a journey and each individual learns at different times and in
different ways. While God does want us to work hard in all we do, the most important thing is
that we are growing in wisdom. Recall a few times you saw your child exercise wisdom over the
last year and praise that growth!

How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver. (Proverbs 16:16)

To aid your child(ren) in growing strong:

Kids (we all!) need healthy food, regular exercise, plenty of sunshine, a safe and supportive environment, and plenty of love. Try eating more meals together at home. Twenty years of research shows over and over again that family mealtime has tremendous benefits for kids, including improved mental health, physical health, academic performance, and more! Throw a freezer meal in the crockpot and spend a few minutes connecting with your child(ren) and spouse.

Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it. (Proverbs 15:17)

Our children learn more from our actions than our words. To help cement that their true purpose
in life is bringing glory to God. Let them see you handle your disappointments by recentering on
God’s expectations. A missed promotion, the loss of a client, or even a rough day at home can
be turned into a teaching opportunity that our value lies not in what we achieve but in whom we
please.

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Kristin Arbuckle

Kristin Arbuckle is a writer, designer, photographer, and homeschooling mama. She and her husband, Andrew, studied at Bear Valley Bible Institute, served as missionaries in Hawaii, and worked with a church plant in Omaha before moving back to Michigan to be closer to family. Kristin enjoys art, traveling, and spending time in God’s beautiful world. She recently published her first book, Where Hope Grows Free.

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