Loving your husbands sounds like something that just comes naturally to us. Of course I love him; I married him. But does your love for him show in your actions? Do others see that you love him? Is it the kind of love that lifts him up? Are you willing to put yourself aside to have harmony in your marriage?
Show him respect… all times, everywhere.
I learned early in my marriage that some women like to sit around and crab about their husbands and it’s easy to find yourself joining them. BEWARE! Don’t be that woman! I eventually learned when women started in on their husbands I would start lifting mine up. It would put a stop to the “well, my husband” talk. (I try to do the same thing with gossip.) Proverbs 14:1 – The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands. Or should we say, mouth?
I hear so many women talk SO ugly directly to their husbands. They put them down in front of other people and make the husband appear inadequate in some way or lazy. They are commanding and harsh to their husbands, as if they are in charge. I see them do this in front of their young children and it breaks my heart. I know a young woman who talks to her husband that way frequently in front of other people and it makes me sad. I then heard her mother talking to her father and realized where she learned it.
When I was first married, I was at my parents’ house spending a few days when Wayne called and really upset me with some news from home. I got off of the phone and said some ugly things about him in front of my parents. My Dad told me to NEVER talk about my husband like that again. Dad reminded me of the responsibility Wayne carries on his head to be the leader of our home and because of that he deserved my respect. I was surprised my Daddy hadn’t backed up his little girl but it taught me more respect for my husband and for my Dad. So parents, how are you allowing your daughters to talk about their spouses around you? Do you encourage them to respect their husbands, or are you training them to disrespect them? Younger women are watching. Your children are watching. Don’t be the woman that the rest of us go around feeling sorry for your husband! Show him the respect that God commands you to give him. Ephesians 5:33 – Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.
ALWAYS kiss goodnight!
Wayne and I have been married almost 30 years and they have been 29 extremely “eventful” and “vocal” years. I am a strong woman and I was blessed to have married a strong man. If I had married a meek man I probably would have walked all over him. But with us both having strong personalities we have a lot of “discussions.” Our kids say that we fight over everything, including cheese. (Ask one of them.) I exposed all of that to tell you that we ALWAYS kiss goodnight and we ALWAYS have (unless one of us is traveling, of course). Oh, it might have been a quick peck but we don’t go to sleep without saying, “I love you.”
I have also learned that if I don’t always have to be right, we won’t argue as much. Hold your tongue. You don’t always have to have things your way. Have you ever met a woman that says she and her husband never argue? It’s always the strong women with quiet husbands that say that. Guess why? She may be demanding her own way or the husband has learned to just keep his mouth shut. Is that the kind of relationship that you want?
Ephesians 4:26 tells us to not let the sun go down on our anger. Take that to heart. Don’t let your anger fester. Talk it out. Take a walk if you need to and then come back together and work through it. I know of women that go for days without talking to their husbands when they are mad. This doesn’t fix anything. Does it mean every problem will be settled by the end of the day? Not necessarily. Some issues are huge and are extremely difficult to work through… and some are about cheese. But when you lay your head down at night, let him know that you love him. Then tell yourself that you love him and turn it over to the Lord in prayer.
It’s not all about you!
When you really love your husband you will put him first. In Philippians 2:3-4 we are told to regard one another as more important than ourselves and to not merely look out for our own interests, but also for the interest of others. This ESPECIALLY applies to your husband! I’m not just talking about keeping his clothes clean, food on the table and keeping his home a cozy refuge, though that is part of it. I’m talking about the, “but I want…,” “but I need…,” “but I, I, I.” Don’t make everything about you! What can you do to make his life better? (By the way, this makes your life better too.) When you put him first, you are less likely to nag and NO ONE likes to listen to a nag. Don’t be the contentious woman found in Proverbs 21, 25 and 27. When you put him first, you are content with what he has worked so hard to provide for you. You don’t push him to continually buy more material things. When you put him first, you argue less. Putting him first requires you to put yourself aside. It’s not about you anyway; it’s about bringing glory to God.
So, from the heart of an older woman, respect your husband this week, give him a kiss every night and tell him you love him and remind yourself constantly that it’s not about you! I promise your love for him will grow in ways that you only thought existed in fairy tales.