Loving your husbands sounds like something that just comes naturally to us. Of course I love him; I married him. But does your love for him show in your actions? Do others see that you love him? Is it the kind of love that lifts him up? Are you willing to put yourself aside to have harmony in your marriage?
Show him respect… all times, everywhere.
I learned early in my marriage that some women like to sit around and crab about their husbands and it’s easy to find yourself joining them. BEWARE! Don’t be that woman! I eventually learned when women started in on their husbands I would start lifting mine up. It would put a stop to the “well, my husband” talk. (I try to do the same thing with gossip.) Proverbs 14:1 – The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands. Or should we say, mouth?
I hear so many women talk SO ugly directly to their husbands. They put them down in front of other people and make the husband appear inadequate in some way or lazy. They are commanding and harsh to their husbands, as if they are in charge. I see them do this in front of their young children and it breaks my heart. I know a young woman who talks to her husband that way frequently in front of other people and it makes me sad. I then heard her mother talking to her father and realized where she learned it.
When I was first married, I was at my parents’ house spending a few days when Wayne called and really upset me with some news from home. I got off of the phone and said some ugly things about him in front of my parents. My Dad told me to NEVER talk about my husband like that again. Dad reminded me of the responsibility Wayne carries on his head to be the leader of our home and because of that he deserved my respect. I was surprised my Daddy hadn’t backed up his little girl but it taught me more respect for my husband and for my Dad. So parents, how are you allowing your daughters to talk about their spouses around you? Do you encourage them to respect their husbands, or are you training them to disrespect them? Younger women are watching. Your children are watching. Don’t be the woman that the rest of us go around feeling sorry for your husband! Show him the respect that God commands you to give him. Ephesians 5:33 – Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.
ALWAYS kiss goodnight!
Wayne and I have been married almost 30 years and they have been 29 extremely “eventful” and “vocal” years. I am a strong woman and I was blessed to have married a strong man. If I had married a meek man I probably would have walked all over him. But with us both having strong personalities we have a lot of “discussions.” Our kids say that we fight over everything, including cheese. (Ask one of them.) I exposed all of that to tell you that we ALWAYS kiss goodnight and we ALWAYS have (unless one of us is traveling, of course). Oh, it might have been a quick peck but we don’t go to sleep without saying, “I love you.”
I have also learned that if I don’t always have to be right, we won’t argue as much. Hold your tongue. You don’t always have to have things your way. Have you ever met a woman that says she and her husband never argue? It’s always the strong women with quiet husbands that say that. Guess why? She may be demanding her own way or the husband has learned to just keep his mouth shut. Is that the kind of relationship that you want?
Ephesians 4:26 tells us to not let the sun go down on our anger. Take that to heart. Don’t let your anger fester. Talk it out. Take a walk if you need to and then come back together and work through it. I know of women that go for days without talking to their husbands when they are mad. This doesn’t fix anything. Does it mean every problem will be settled by the end of the day? Not necessarily. Some issues are huge and are extremely difficult to work through… and some are about cheese. But when you lay your head down at night, let him know that you love him. Then tell yourself that you love him and turn it over to the Lord in prayer.
It’s not all about you!
When you really love your husband you will put him first. In Philippians 2:3-4 we are told to regard one another as more important than ourselves and to not merely look out for our own interests, but also for the interest of others. This ESPECIALLY applies to your husband! I’m not just talking about keeping his clothes clean, food on the table and keeping his home a cozy refuge, though that is part of it. I’m talking about the, “but I want…,” “but I need…,” “but I, I, I.” Don’t make everything about you! What can you do to make his life better? (By the way, this makes your life better too.) When you put him first, you are less likely to nag and NO ONE likes to listen to a nag. Don’t be the contentious woman found in Proverbs 21, 25 and 27. When you put him first, you are content with what he has worked so hard to provide for you. You don’t push him to continually buy more material things. When you put him first, you argue less. Putting him first requires you to put yourself aside. It’s not about you anyway; it’s about bringing glory to God.
So, from the heart of an older woman, respect your husband this week, give him a kiss every night and tell him you love him and remind yourself constantly that it’s not about you! I promise your love for him will grow in ways that you only thought existed in fairy tales.
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Oh, Tami, thank you for your honest words of encouragement! I really appreciate your admissions to having “discussions” with your husband and being very real! Thank you for your encouragement to do the right thing! Great article!
Tami,
Thank you for fufilling the words in Titus 2 about teaching the younger women! I was so encouraged and a little convicted by this article. Yesterday on Cindy Colley’s blog she had an article written by another woman about loving your husband. I am so thankful that I read that article and I am so thankful that I read yours! I needed to hear these things. It is really difficult sometimes to not have the “what about me” attitude in marriage. Thanks!
Tami, what a wonderful example and encouragement you are!! I just love you! From a ‘younger’ woman, thank you so much for taking the time to write this beautiful and Scriptural article!! I really took it to heart. I think KJ & I have a great marriage but if we want to turn our two years and counting into thirty and counting I know that applying these principles will help 🙂 Thank you for imparting your wisdom and experience to those who have less!
Thank you for this article! I am not married at this juncture, but hope to be one day, and I pray that words of wisdom like this will stay with me and help my marriage be what God would have it to be. Too often (and television doesn’t help this, with constant portrayals of husbands and dads as “buffoons”), I hear my friends complain and cut down their husbands, and it does make me sad for them. Your words are a good reminder, and I am going to try to find a gracious way to pass them on to those gals. 🙂
Thank you again!
That was EXCELLENT, Tami! Have you considered putting this series in book form?
Love you, and appreciate your heart and your wisdom.
Thank you Tami for the wonderful words of encouragement! I, like you, have seen so many women talk bad about their husbands and it is so sad to see. I have worked hard to try and never talk bad about my husband and to teach this to my daughters. It is an important part of a successful marriage and it works great for all relationships! God bless you for speaking out and helping young wives and daughters.
Such an excellent article, Tami! So many great lessons for young wives but even this older wife appreciated your reminders to be sweet to my husband always! Loved reading this from beginning to end, hope everyone does!
Thank you for these true and wise words. I read a quote the other day that said “The perfect wife is the woman who does not expect a perfect husband.” Of course, this applies vice versa, also. I know when I focus on my husband’s good qualities as much as possible, and I show him respect, whether we’re alone or in front of a crowd, I am rewarded with even more love and respect from him, and I feel wonderful knowing that I am pleasing God.
This was great!! Really appreciate it!
Great ways to improve my marriage. It is all about God and other people, not “I”
Wow, Tami. Right on the money. I also have to add that putting my husband first often requires me to push back little complaints I have about financial difficulties or material matters, because it can make him feel like I’m focusing on what he CAN’T provide and instead of appreciating what he HAS provided. When I forget how important this is and start to pout about what “I wish I had,” it becomes difficult for him to not get a little depressed because he’s working really hard – and doing so for me. Thanks for emphasizing the best goal a wife can have – to honor the one she chose instead of settling for a mediocre marriage.
Enjoyed your article. I had an incident recently that the Lord lead me to see my will was not acting in accordance with his will toward my husband.Maybe this will help others. I had not looked at it that way before, but it was right. Several of us cousins were planning a get together to go see another cousin out of state. First, my husband does not have any problem with my going to see family, but, now that I’ve gotten older and the cousins are also older, he worries with us on the road. He will drive me anywhere I want to go and carry anyone who would like to go, but I know how his concern and his feeling regarding taking off somewhere, which would be a 5-7 hour drive and not an emergency type trip.. well, we all talked, plans date, etc. In talking with hubby, he expressed his concern and offered to drive. To make a long story short, I realized, 1st I should have spoken to him before I got involved in the plan (knowing his feelings on this ), but I didn’t, or I, maybe should have not gotten involved in the plan, knowing, again, his feelings. Whatever, I knew ahead of time the concern, and it’s not him being unkind or mean, it is sincere concern, as I have traveled with others or by myself many time when younger. After thinking about this, I let the others know I would be unable to go. No reason was given and no one asked. My point for this was my truest desire is my walking with God in all things, but if I allow my desires to go over the concerns of my husband, then I am not respecting his headship in the household, even if he gave in and said Ok, then my will to get what I what would have been wrong. ( a side note, my husband has never asked me to disobey God in any thing, example don’t go to church tonight etc), the situation was my will to do what I wanted with family being done over the concern of my hubby. Thanks