Women often complain that their husbands have trouble expressing love to them. Some men live by the old saying, “I told you when we married that I loved you, and if I ever change my mind, I’ll let you know.” Some men say they don’t like all that emotional stuff and that they are uncomfortable with it. Well, women, if you are married to this type of man, instead of complaining, perhaps you should take a closer look at his actions instead of his words. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

The Scriptures state: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her . . . ” (Ephesians 5:25). “. . . Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself . . . ” (Ephesians 5:28). Other than these verses, not much is given to guide men to know how to express love.

My husband is not one of the men who does not express his feelings in words. His many years of attending, studying, and teaching marriage seminars has helped him understand the needs his wife has in this area. But sometimes he does something that really expresses his love for me more than any words can ever express. One of those times occurred recently when we were shopping for new tires for my car. We had looked down a long row of tires that all looked the same to me. They were all black and round, and that is about all I can tell you about them. I like to shop, but I soon realized that shopping for tires is not the most enjoyable kind of shopping. In fact, I think you can call it boring. However, I did see one difference in the tires. There were many different prices. Some were marked almost twice as much as the others. My husband did not need to shop around. He already had his mind made up before entering the store. (Isn’t that the way men shop for everything?) He quickly told the clerk which tires he wanted. It was Michelin, Steel Belted, Radial tires. I was puzzled. The Michelin, Steel Belted, Radial tires were the most expensive tires on the racks. Yet they looked just like the other tires – round, black, and boring. I turned to my husband and asked, “Why are we buying these tires?” “Because they are the best ones,” he replied. “And why do we need the best ones?” I asked. His answer touched my heart. “Because they are going on your car, and I want the safest tires on your car.” Now, women, he could have told me he loved me ten times that day, and his words would not have spoken as loudly as his action and his reason for the action.

I know a woman who was married to a man of few words. He is a Christian man of strong character and spirituality. He is a hardworking man, and he makes a great living for his family. He lavished gifts on his wife to show his love. He even wrote poetry to her about his love. He often told her he loved her, but not every day, and perhaps not even once a month. One day a man came into her life who was a smooth talker. He said all the things a woman loves to hear. The woman, not being a strong Christian, fell for his words. She left her husband for him. As time went along, she realized that her new husband said all the right things, but his actions did not support what he said. He was not even close to being the man her first husband was. He was often seen with another woman on his arm. He could not hold down a job. He got drunk and slapped her around, then apologized when he sobered up. The woman realized what a big mistake she had made. Suddenly her first husband looked supreme compared to the second.

Women, yes, your husband can learn to express love in words. Perhaps this can be learned by attending a few good marriage seminars. Give him time and space to grow into it. But even if he never does, remember that actions say “I love you” just as loud as words, sometimes louder. Take a good look at all the things your husband does to show you and the family that he loves you. Is he a Christian man who makes sure the family goes to church together? Does he work hard for the family and provide the necessities of life? Is he a good daddy to the children? Did he fix the leak in the faucet for you? Did he move the couch when you asked him? Did he buy the best tires for your car because he wants you to be safe? If you have a good man, take care of him. Tell him often how much you appreciate all he does. A man can do great things if he is appreciated. Be thankful that God gave him to you. Many women only dream of having a good husband like this.

Originally published in the December 2005 issue of the Rocky Mountain Christian News. Used with permission of the author.

By Pam Stewart
Pam and her husband, Bill, serve with the Bear Valley Bible Institue of Denver. Pam is an instructor in the Women’s Program. Bill is the director of development as well as an intructor. The couple can often be found at lectureships and at meetings sharing about BVBID. Pam is the author of Evangelistic Women, a book designed to help women discover in what ministry they can best serve the kingdom (for information on how to order, send a message to pstewart@bvbid.