“I just cannot wait get a break from them!”
“Well, we have decided to not have any until I finish all the plans on my dream list. These next several years are ‘ME’ years. I do not want to have to worry about someone else.”
“Enjoy your life now, because when they enter your world, you will not have a moment’s peace. My husband and I cannot wait until they are out of the house!”
If you were to walk into the room and hear these statements from women without knowing exactly what they are talking about, you might wonder if they are talking about an unwanted pet dog or guest. But sadly, I do not think many of you will be shocked if I told you this is a very common discussion about a certain wonderful blessing that God gives to women….their very own children!
Being a young mom, I hear this conversation very, very often. We live in a world that advertises with magazines, TV shows, talk shows, movies and books what our lives, as women, should look like if we want to have a fun and fulfilling life. Women are to fulfill all their dreams of education and travel. They need to have a successful career. They are to be beautiful, skinny models. They are to make a certain amount of money so that they can enjoy all the clothes and accessories that they wish. But where does this leave the children? Children can ruin all these plans! Children can make it to where you cannot travel everywhere you want. Children make you gain a few extra dress sizes and give you stretch marks. You will have to spend a good amount of money on your children, so that leave less money for you to spend as you please on yourself. So, instead of children being a joy added to our lives or a wonderful blessing from God, they are viewed as inconveniences. They are cute, but inconvenient little people that you might wish to have one day, but first you have to make sure that they will not ruin any of your plans before they enter your life. This view of children is so very different than the one God has of them!
In Matthew 19 the disciples were frustrated that little children were being brought to Jesus. Jesus replied “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of Heaven.” Jesus knew what blessings children are! He made time for them, even in His own, very busy and important ministry. Probably the most well-known passage about children being a blessing is Psalm 127:3 “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.” If you know you are going to receive a gift from a friend on your birthday, you are excited and anxious to open it! You are not dreading to open it or worried how much harder your life will be with this gift you are going to receive. You know that the gift will be special and given to you with love. Once you open the gift and receive it, you treasure and cherish it.
We read over and over again in the bible how children are viewed as very valuable. Sarah was barren for years but God gave her a gift in her old age (Genesis 17:15-16). God saw that Leah was unloved, so he opened her womb and blessed her with many children (Genesis 29). Leah’s sister Rachel was barren, but God “remembered” her and opened her womb (Genesis 30:22). Hannah wept for a child of her own and made a vow to God that if He would bless her with a child, she would give the child to Him. The Lord blessed her with Samuel (1 Samuel 1). These women understood the blessing of children. They did not beg God to bless them with earthly treasures, more “alone” time or the perfect body. They asked God for what they knew would bring joy and blessings to their lives….children to raise in the Lord!
Instead of following this society and viewing children as inconveniences who take up too much of your precious time, we need to help the world to remember what children really are – BLESSINGS! Why would we want this society to mold our view on our children? This is the society that believes it is ethical to murder an unborn child. This society has lost all value in children. If we start treating our children as the gift that they are, we will see that the world is the one missing out in life. God does not give gifts that are curses or frustrations. God’s gifts are the best things in this world that we could ever receive and children happen to be one of His most precious gifts! Let us work on not letting our children be another forgotten blessing!
By Alicia Bookout
Alicia and her husband, Garrett live in Clovis, NM where Garrett is the pulpit minister for 16th and Pile church of Christ. They have one sweet two-year old daughter, Emma and a second little one due in February. Alicia is a stay-at-home wife and mother. They both graduated from the Bear Valley Institute of Denver.
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Amen! Today is my youngest’s 18th birthday. I can’t believe the way the years have flown. What a reward and jewel in my crown my children are. Blessings from God for sure!
Alicia, you’re right, especially this week. I hear so many comments about how happy people are that school is starting because they need a “break”, and those comments make me sad. Thank you for the reminder.
Well said, Alicia. You know I totally agree. Thank you for writing such a wonderful article!! love you.
Very, very good!!!! Brad Harrub even spoke on this at PTP. It has really made me think about some things. Like is it wrong to even try to control when God might send you a blessing?
So true! It also saddens me to see parents that may not say such things out loud, but their actions do. How much time does the average mother spend with her children? And for those of us that are with them all the time, how much time do we spend really listening, interacting, teaching, etc? It’s something I have to be aware of more and more as my children grow older. Thank you for the great article!
AMEN! I am ****SO**** glad to see us talking about this these days! My husband and I realized, 4 years ago, that if we’re really “surrendering all” (like we sing) to God – that includes our family size – and how we view children. I have been so dismayed and disappointed when, in our own congregations, our brothers and sisters don’t seem to have a right view – a Godly view – of children. We have been delighted to hear Brad Harrub talking about this – and his wife, Melinda, writing about it in Think Magazine.
What edition of Think was that in? I want to check it out.
June 2011. The article is called “No Time for ‘Me Time'” and the issue is “Fatherhood & Leadership by Design.”
wonderful! Loved this post, children truly are gifts from the Lord!
As an unmarried and childless college student, what I’ve always perceived from the “married with children” female is that having children is both a rewarding yet hard-working experience since being a mom is a full-time job but with many benefits. However, isn’t wanting to and when to have and raise children a personal decision that should be discussed between a couple? I also perceive within the Church childless couples to be somehow devalued and a lower class than couples with children, and I’m not sure how biblical that thinking is when we see a highly praised couple like Priscilla and Aquila in the N.T contributing big time to God’s kingdom, and they never had children. I agree children are a blessing, but like marriage, it’s not a blessing to be taken lightly or just like marriage again, a blessing expected to be a guarantee in life. Being able to follow God’s Will for you, whatever that may be, is a blessing, and the greater one at that.
Daniela, I appreciate your comments. First of all, I do have to ask, how do you know that Priscilla and Aquila did not have or ever had children? I go on studies with my husband even while I have a young daughter at home. I remember growing up and my parents having studies with different people together. They could have even been an older couple whose children were grown. From what I’ve read, the bible does not say. Secondly, I hope no one got the idea that I was saying that couples who are not able to have kids are any less important in this world. They are just as important to God and as much of a blessing to the church as couples who are able to have children. My whole point for this article was to show that we do not live in a world that views children as a blessing. God clearly shows that one of the main reasons for marriage is having children. Of course some couples may not be able to, and again, that does not make them any less important. But those of us who can, we should see what a blessing they are.
Great article! Children are such a wonderful blessing from God!! It is so funny how the world has always offered their ideas of when, where, how, and why people should have children. We seem to forget that God covered this area with His Holy Words first. Many have made their own decisions as to what God means by bearing children, but common sense tells us that God didn’t plan on his creation turning away from the blessing of children. I have heard people says, ” would you turn away from God’s offer of blessings of money, health, love, etc.?” Why do so many turn away from God’s blessing of children? I would never judge anyone who has no children or only one or two; I do not walk in their relationship with God. And, as you said, we are all God’s special children and all equal in His eyes! Thanks for sharing!
I wholeheartedly agree that children are a blessing and they deserve to feel that throughout their lives. However, it seems that we’re categorizing women who become overwhlemed with motherhood into bad mothers. That is nowhere near the case. I think if we’re honest with ourselves we all have bad days and feel annoyance, frustration, something negative towards our children. That doesn’t make us bad mothers, it makes us human. I love my children dearly, they truly are amazing people and I wouldn’t trade having them for anything in the world but I am the first one to admit that especially when they were younger, it was a very difficult time in life. That doesn’t mean I loved them any less, but raising kids is the hardest thing any of us will ever do and with that comes frustration and some negative feelings. That’s just life. To say I never had any negative feelings or wished life was different during that time would be a bold-faced lie…. it was hard and because it was hard, God used that as an avenue to teach, mold, train me in the way he would have me to be. Rather than categorizing women who don’t have such a great handle on motherhood as unappreciative or bad maybe we should offer them some help and assistance instead.
“Rather than categorizing women who don’t have such a great handle on motherhood as unappreciative or bad maybe we should offer them some help and assistance instead.”
I think that’s the goal of the article, Margot. I completely agree with you that raising Littles is back-breaking and heartwrenching work at times and that all mothers get overwhelmed. In fact, I heard Nancy Leigh DeMoss say, about a year ago, that anything that brings us to our knees before God is a blessing. I know that currently having a 5yo, 3yo, an 18mo and one on the way – I am daily on my knees before God. That said, we should be encouraging and admonishing young mothers that any time we act as though a blessing from God is a burden, we are sinning. (I assure you, I commit that sin regularly. Oh, how I find myself resenting the work, the noise, the interruptions to *MY* day… How human, yes…and how sinful and ungrateful!) That doesn’t make us “bad mothers” – but it should be a wake up call to get our hearts right with God – to bring our heart for our children into alignment with God’s heart for our children. I think the whole point of the article was to remind us what God’s heart for children is – and to encourage us not to buy the world’s lie about children being a burden. I, for one, appreciate the reminder because I see this even in the church – even from older women who should be encouraging us to love our children. Sadly, the culture has a strong foothold in the church on this one and I am tickled to see more and more Christians coming out and confronting the error.
Sorry if I came across overly critical of the article, I just remember those days very vividly and I am not so sure that the encouragement I would have needed would have been “condemning” in nature. I think that’s why play groups and the like are so important for mothers with young children. Sometimes women feel completely alone and worthless when they can’t get a grip on motherhood and feel like a failure. By telling them they’re sinning and pointing out a flaw in them that I can guarantee you they already recognize (for the most part anyhow) many women will only feel worse and pull away. Playgroups and the like allow women to see that others struggle with the same things. They aren’t alone. I just know how I would have reacted and I didn’t need criticism, I am my own worst critic, I needed to know that I wasn’t alone and other women had the same struggles.
Oh, I definitely “hear” you, Margot. I absolutely believe that we all need to hear that we are not alone on such a tough journey (however, I don’t think that there is any lack of finding that for mothers of young children – whether it’s on the Internet, at church, or in a play group, no mother whose ever had young children says it was easy…unless they just weren’t there!). I don’t think that we should go around telling women who are struggling to appreciate their children that they are sinning. What I do think we should do is discourage (even if it’s by merely changing the verbiage) the negative, sinful talk…and encourage a more positive outlook. Unfortunately, what often happens is a mothering gripe-session instead – which definitely doesn’t glorify God. (My first mothering mentor would refer to such an event as “bonding in weakness.” How much better to “bond in strength”!) I absolutely agree that no one (especially young mothers in the throes of this battle) needs to feel criticized. We need to be encouraged to rise up to God’s standard. Occasionally, we may even need to be admonished if we’re wallowing in sinful thoughts, but not criticized. And, you know, I don’t think a struggling mother would read this article and feel worse and pull away. I think it was written in an encouraging tone that would encourage each of us to examine our hearts and see how we line up with the heart of Christ on this issue.
Anyway, I just wanted to assure you that I don’t think we should run around telling anyone that they’re sinning and they need to get it together. I do think that God is very clear that we are to encourage one another to rise up – above the culture – and glorify Him, though. Of course, that is most effective in the context of close friendships with more mature Christian women…and that is sadly, sometimes very hard to find.
Margot – I completely understand being overwhelmed at times with young children! I have a 2 1/2 year old and am pregnant and there are days where the stress level can be HIGH! I really, really appreciate all that Shawnele had to say! This article was not to be accusatory to young mothers who feel stress, but to show that our society has moved from God’s view of children are blessings, to children are more of a pain then anything. Of course we will get frustrated with our kids, but that does not then give us the right to rethink that they are blessings, or wonder why we had them in the first place. Same goes for marriage. God clearly said that it was a blessing. Will there be times you get frustrated with your spouse? Yes! They are human just like you and your kids. But then do we go around wishing we had never got married and wondering if our husbands are a blessing in our lives? Do we go around and complain and talk bad about them? We should not! So, the same goes for our children. God says they are blessings, so we need to act like they are and try not to focus on the hard times we have with them, but focus on the blessings they are and that this is our time in life to train them into young people who love the Lord. If we see a young mom struggling we need to encourage her to keep her head up and the tough parts will pass! We need to never join her and start complaining about our own kids and how frustrated we are with our life. There will always be struggles, but God knows how much we can handle and He expects us to deal with the frustrations in a godly and Christ-like manner.