EDITOR’S NOTE: Adultery is a topic the Bible discusses frequently, yet is often neglected in our congregations and in our homes. Instead of perpetuating the misunderstanding, shame, and pain caused by remaining silent about this subject, Come Fill Your Cup is pleased to shine Christ’s light on the issue and present this spiritually-grounded series on marital infidelity from a sister who has lived through it.

Our prayer for you and plea to you is the same as Paul’s in Ephesians 5:11-13: “Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them…for all things become visible when they are exposed by the light.”

Introduction

On my first day of Drivers Ed, our instructor said, “In this class, you will learn how to operate a weapon that can potentially destroy lives.” Our first assignment was to submit newspaper reports of accidents and highlight the injuries sustained from them. After that first day, I wasn’t sure I wanted to get in the driver’s seat. It sure enough made me aware of the seriousness of driving! 

What if we used the same teaching strategy in Sex Ed? What if, on the first day, the instructor said, “In this class, you will learn about bodily operations that have the potential to destroy lives.” What if the first assignment was to investigate marriages broken apart by sexual sins and the injuries that are sustained? Could this provide a deeper understanding that intimacy is more than pleasure, but something to take seriously? Unlike car accidents, no one ever walks away from sexual sins unharmed. 

There have been an alarming number of anonymous posts within church groups from women desperately trying to find godly advice on how to handle the hurt created by the sexual sins of their husbands. As a result, some are losing confidence in men as spiritual leaders of the home and church. This should not be a reason to shut down posts of this nature. It should open our eyes to the need for healthy dialogue and Godly answers. Proverbs 6:32 tells us that adultery occurs when one lacks understanding. Understanding never grows if it’s never discussed. 

And understanding needs to grow–and not just for those tempted to commit adultery. I think most of us can admit that when we hear of a couple dealing with marital infidelity, it piques our curiosity. “What went wrong?” “How did she go back to him?” Or we may have secret, preconceived ideas such as, “If she would have just done things like I do, this would have never happened.” “Her husband is good-looking; I’m not surprised other women pursued him.” We develop suspicions about potential affair partners and even investigate on social media to look for any evidence that might back up our notions. So often, those thoughts are created from our insecurities, fears, overconfidence, and, most of all, ignorance.

In this series, we will shine a light on the injuries women sustain from the sexual sins of their spouses and the ways we can provide support for our hurting sisters. We’ll share comfort and hope for those striving to navigate this painful path and encourage them to remain faithful through it.  Most importantly, we will break the ice on this sensitive subject and create greater awareness. 

Why “Crooked Kisses”? Shortly after our trial through infidelity, my husband was diagnosed with salivary duct carcinoma. He had a tumor that traced up his left facial nerve. Surgery was required, and the nerve had to be removed along with the tumor. The hardest part for him was the scarring and disfigurement. He would say, “God gave me a crooked face to remind me of the crooked man I used to be.” When he kisses me now, our lips don’t line up like they used to. His kisses are crooked, but in actuality, the kisses are straighter than they’ve ever been. They come from a purer place, a humble heart, a man who dove into sin and barely escaped with an intact soul. How can I not love the man he is now more than ever? I’m really glad I chose to love sacrificially. Yes, there are still things that creep in, but I’m more blessed than I’ve ever been. I am counted among the happy (James 1:5). I pray this series will help you find peace, too.