There I was in the Kohl’s dressing room, standing in front of the mirror and crying. I’m not generally a really superficial person when it comes to appearances, but I’m like every other woman in the world: I like to look pretty. And at that moment in time, I didn’t think I did. Not even a little bit.
Yes, I cried. Maybe that’s lame, but I dare say if you’re a girl around my age, you’ve had the same experience. You’ve tried on what seems like every article of clothing in the juniors department, some in the largest sizes they have, and none of it fits you right. Everything seems too tight, and all you can see are your wide hips or the stomach that you wish was smaller. You feel utterly hopeless. You’ll never look like the girl smiling down at you from the poster on the mirror, the girl who’s skinny, perfectly proportioned, and basking in her glamorous self-confidence. So, if you’re anything at all like me, you break down and cry.
Here’s the catch—there’s nothing actually wrong with how I look. I’m a healthy person. I am—dare I say it—kind of pretty. However, I’m not the body type that the department stores are telling me I have to be. I will never, ever be a stick without a serious eating disorder. I’m just not built that way naturally. The department stores, however, don’t care. All I’m left with is disappointment in the form of a sweater that looks great on a poster child, but not on me. So what do I do about it?
Now, I’m going to read your mind.
“I know, I know. Inner beauty is more important than outer beauty. I’ve heard this a thousand times. Whatever.” Right? But it’s easy for us to forget, isn’t it? When you’re standing in front of a mirror feeling like a swamp creature, you lose sight of the fact that God couldn’t care less what you look like, but that’s the truth. God couldn’t care less what you look like. He cares that you’re His.
Take a look at Psalm 45:10ff. The Psalmist begins his song with praise to the King himself, God, but a shift comes when he begins to talk about the queen. The queen represents those who follow God. This is us, girls. He writes, “Listen, O daughter, give attention and incline your ear; forget your people and your father’s house. Then the King will desire your beauty. Because He is your Lord, bow down to Him” (10-11 NASB). This is almost astonishingly applicable in our situation, isn’t it? Forget your people. Forget the world! Why do we focus on the world’s standards of beauty when there’s so much more for us to be focused on? When we do focus on God, and HIS standards of beauty, He will desire our beauty. I’m a New American Standard girl, but I love how the New International Version translates this—“Let the king be enthralled by your beauty.” When God sees a woman following Him, He is utterly captivated by her. Wow. What a thought!
So what are God’s standards of beauty? I could direct you to Proverbs 31 or 1 Peter 3:3-4, but I dare say if you grew up in the church you’ve heard these Scriptures before. (Of course, all Scripture is inspired by God, so those are still worth looking up!) So, for the sake of a different take on things, we’re going to take a look at Revelation 19:7b-8, which describes the marriage of the Lamb (Jesus) to His bride (the church). The passage reads, “The marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready. It was given to hear to clothe herself in fine linen, bright and clean; for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints.” So how do we become a beautiful bride for the Lamb of God? Be ready, through following His plan of salvation. Be righteous, by keeping His commandments. It’s cliché, but it’s true: actions, rather than appearance, determine our true beauty in the eyes of God.
Who cares how I look in the sweater?
This article was originally published in Think Magazine by Focus Press.Used with permission of the author.
Editor’s note: This month, Think is offering a FREE digital copy of the April edition of the magazine. This month is on the topic of Islam and they’d like to spread the word about what this religion is really all about. You can help by downloading your copy and encouraging your friends to do so also. Just go to www.focuspress.org and click on the magazine cover to download.
By Melissa Hite
Melissa (age 16) attends Bear Valley church of Christ with her parents, Michaeland Lynn, and her little brother, Matthew. Her goals include continually growing closer to God and eventually becoming a writer and a mom. On her blog, Christ Crossed My Heart, you can find other poignant, well-written posts.
Welcome! We are so glad you stopped by. Come Fill Your Cup is a group of Christian ladies dedicated to equipping women for study and service. We know you are busy and that life’s hectic pace pulls you in so many directions, but you can’t truly be the woman God desires unless you take time to fill your own cup…not with spa days (though we love a good spa!) or the latest novel…but with God’s Holy Word. We want to help you with that! Our goal is to reach you in the midst of your busy day and give you encouragement, education, and fellowship as you strive to live the life God has laid before you. Our prayer is that we can help fill your cup so that you, in turn, can overflow to all those around you. So, as we like to say…come fill your cup, and let it overflow!
Melissa, I have come to admire you so much! It is so awesome to see a 16 year old having these thoughts about how to deal with issued with the world while holding on to your Christianity. This gives me hope for my two young girls that they too, will be able to live a Christian life in this mess that surrounds up. Keep it up girl, you are such a blessing!
Something to remember about photos you see in the department stores, in magazines, on the internet, and even in photos you see in your own yearbook, facebook friend pictures, professional done photography photos, etc: PHOTOSHOP. Or at least, digital enhancement. I have to admit that even with iphoto on my mac, I love the “blemish remover” button that magically makes me look like I have the perfect skin all the time.
Also, even before the digital enhancement, the type of lighting and make-up used on models are specific. Professional photographers will use what is called a “glamour light” because it softens up harsh tones and makes a model look skinnier. Also, the angle of the camera makes a big difference too. I remember when I was 16, the running joke on the popular social network before Facebook, Myspace, was the “Myspace angle” where a person lifted up the camera above them making themselves appear slimmer.
Basically,There’s nothing truly real about photos, and that’s something we’ve all got to keep in mind as we dare (but really shouldn’t) to compare ourselves to others.
As for those who do seem “perfect” before you at school, at work, at church…You know that no one is, because”every pretty girl has a scar…” (Penny on a Train Track-Ben Kweller) Yet, what God sees is beautiful women striving to be more like His son every single day when He looks at females like you and me. He heals our wounds and smooths away our blemishes and scars with His mercy and love. We are made perfect and stunningly beautiful in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
Great article! Many 16-year-old Christian females are usually too wrapped up in looking “cute” in that sweater putting on too much make-up and spending too many hours fixing their hair to realize that God wants them to work on their hearts and their relationship with Him.
Great post! I’m just wondering were you the person in the dressing room beside me this past weekend at Kohl’s while I sobbed too? As a mom of 3, that doesnt spend much time or effort on myself (because where is the time?) I still do this. I can honestly say, although i wouldnt call myself wise, some of the prettest girls on the outside are some of the most horrible beings on the inside! Thank you for this reminder!
Melissa, I understand what you are saying about being beautiful in the eyes of God, and the whole focus of the article was beautifully written. But I also want you to remember that God created you with curves, and they are beautiful. It took me way past your age to understand that God never intended for me to be a stick. God knows what true beauty is and that’s how he created you.
Amazing. I am so glad to have found your post today. I avoid mirrors like they will bring the next plague onto me… the other day I told a friend I hadnt seen in a while that I was nervous to see her because of how I looked and you know what, Ive been doing that with God too – skirting around him because I dont want Him to see how I look…. but He desires me…just the way I am. That passage in Revelation is one of my FAVORITE verses on Gods view of our beauty – its breathtaking. One of my desires is to share my journey with others just like you are so that we may all find joy in his desiring of our beauty…
Very encouraging article for all women! Thank you, Melissa.
I am 38 years old and have only recently began to appreciate myself for me…. I am so thankful to have boys and not have to worry about trying to instill self-esteem in a young girl when I myself have struggled with it for years. I am always telling others who voice the same issues with themselves that I sometimes feel (you know what they are, gained weight with having kids, gravity is beginning to have some effect, or in my case there’s not much for gravity to work with, grey hair is becoming an issue, fine lines have begun to appear, the list could go on and on) that the fact is; God made us how we are; blonde, brunette, tall and thin, short and round, busty, flat-chested, athletic or a complete klutz….. we are who we are and the sooner we accept that the more time and energy we can spend focusing on what’s really important. We all have something about ourselves that we don’t like but it’s those things that make us unique and that’s just how God made us. Not saying I don’t still have those days….. times when I hate how I look and allow myself to wallow…. not my most productive days…. and what always pulls me up is knowing that God made me to be unique and to be ME! and he loves me just the way I am. Very nice article Melissa, you are wise beyond your years.
Hurrah for someone my age who actually would post such a thing. 😀