For some odd (but sweet) reason my husband loves the big, frizzy, curly mess that is my hair. When the time comes that my hair is too out of control and I go to get it trimmed, he makes sure to tell me that he really wishes that I would not get it cut short or thinned. A couple of months ago my hair (once again) got out of control, so off the salon I went. The hairstylist told me that the best way to manage my hair would be to thin it out. It would still look the same but it would be easier to take care of. As she went for her scissors I told her “My husband is out in the waiting area and I need to talk to him first. He just loves my hair and so I want to check with him before I thin it.” That statement made her look at me like I was from Mars and had lost my brain somewhere. She just giggled and said “ooookay.” I am not telling this story to “toot my own horn,” but to make a point: being submissive and wanting to make your husband happy by doing what he asks of you is a foreign concept to women in today’s society!

We see women very often who claim to be submissive to their husbands; but, when their husbands ask them to do or not to do something that they really want, their husbands’ wants and desires go out the window. Are we allowed to be selfishly submissive? In 1 Peter 3:1 we are commanded to be submissive to our husbands. This passage does not command us to be submissive only if we want to. So long as your husband is not going against God’s will, then you must be submissive. The definition for “submissive” is: “inclined or ready to submit, unresistingly or humbly obedient.” Are we humbly obedient to our husbands’ wants and desires? We know that God commands us to never be selfish but to think of others first (Ephesians 5:21). This includes our husbands. We can clearly see that selfish submission is not something God desires from us as wives. If we women start being happily submissive, arguments in the home would be less and everyone in the family (including the children) will be happier.

If you have a good, godly husband who loves you and has his opinion of what hair style he likes on you, or what outfit he likes on you, or what color make up looks best, etc. You should feel so blessed! He loves you and the way you look a certain way and wants the best for you. This should make you want to love him enough to listen to his advice. Not that we cannot have our own opinion and talk things through with our husbands, but we should not go behind their backs and do the exact opposite of what they want. If we are submissive and want to make our husbands happy; then, more than likely they will want to make us happy as well. When I asked my husband at the hair salon if I could thin my hair a little so that it would be more manageable, he said “yes.” Work together as a couple to make each other happy. I know there are much bigger issues then what style hair you have (staying home with the kids, being submissive in worship, etc.). But hair seems to be a big disagreement between husbands and wives. We should want and be happy to fulfill our man’s wishes.

Submission should not be a “have to” command, but a “want to” command. Not only should we obey our husbands, but we should love to obey our husbands. A good marriage and unselfish marriage is both partners wanting the best for the other. If we love our husbands the way we should then we will want to make them happy!

By Alicia Bookout
Alicia and her husband, Garrett live in Clovis, NM where Garrett is the pulpit minister for 16th and Pile church of Christ. They have one sweet two-year old daughter, Emma. Alicia is a stay-at-home wife and mother. They both graduated from the Bear Valley Institute of Denver.