She is the portrait of a virtuous woman. We know the popular verses that tell us she is “far above rubies” and that “a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” But we also learn from her how to be a good wife, mother and neighbor. We learn how to use our hands for service to others and the Lord. We learn what kind of godly characteristics women should possess. This godly woman who we read about in Proverbs is given to us as an example of how we, as Christian women, should be. We should mold our own attitude and life after hers. We need to study, verse by verse, how we can walk in this wonderful woman’s footsteps. We need to know this passage inside and out so that we too “shall be praised” for our service to our families and to God.
The Good Wife
Verses 10-12: “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.”
“Virtuous” means: “conforming to moral and ethical principles; morally excellent; upright and chaste.” The woman who possesses these characteristics has a value far above rubies! For those of us who are married to good, godly husbands, it is so nice to feel that this verse is true. Men really do want virtuous women. Since she is virtuous, her husband can fully trust her with his heart. Her husband can have full confidence in her, without having to worry about lack of gain. Husbands want wives who they can have full trust in. The godly wife also does her husband good and not evil every waking moment. She does not talk badly about him behind his back, she treats other men in a chaste manner, she does not do anything in his absence that she would not do right in front of him. Her husband knew what a jewel he had found! She wanted to be virtuous to bring her husband and God glory.
The Hard Worker
Verses 13-19: “She seeks wool and flax, and willingly works with her hands. She is like the merchant ships; she brings her food from afar. She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household and a portion for her maidservants. She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good, and her lamp does not go out by night. She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hand holds the spindle.”
She SEEKS wool and flax to willingly make things with her hands. She is eager to be a hard worker! Her hard work brings blessings to her family. Everything she does with her hands is to help out her family. Her main goal is to bring happiness and comfort to her house. When she makes a profit, she does not buy worldly pleasures, but she plants a vineyard to help her household. Many commentaries say that when it compares her to a merchant ship bringing her food from afar, it is saying she went out of her way to look for a good bargain. She was frugal. She is a strong woman, emotionally and physically. She does not rest when there is work to be done. Some use this verse and say that this shows that she was a “working woman” outside of the home, but reading exactly what she does with her hands shows that it is all duties which can be done in the home to help her family.
The Generous Heart
Verse 20: “She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.”
Not only does she bless her family with her work, but she extends that helping hand to the people in need around her. This shows not only that she is willing to work to help others, but that she has generosity and compassion towards her fellow-man. She has been blessed, so she wants to bless others.
The Use of Her Talents
Verses 21-24: “She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household is clothed with scarlet. She makes tapestry for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies sashes for the merchants.”
With her talents and skills, she can make her family live comfortably. She does not have to worry about what kind of weather might come, because she is prepared and ready! She uses her talents to make garments to sell. This provides extra money for the family. Her husband can sit at the gates among the elders and not have to worry about what he has left at home. Remember, she is a virtuous woman whom he can trust. This also involves trusting her with the family affairs and he can have confidence that she will use her talents to make a happy home and he does not have to worry about the household work not being done.
This is already so much that we can learn from this beautiful woman of God, but it is not all! We will finish up this study in a second part. But for now, prayerfully look over these characteristics above and see if you are living by them daily.
By Alicia Bookout
Alicia and her husband, Garrett live in Clovis, NM where Garrett is the pulpit minister for 16th and Pile church of Christ. They have one sweet two-year old daughter, Emma and a second little one due in February. Alicia is a stay-at-home wife and mother. They both graduated from the Bear Valley Institute of Denver.
Welcome! We are so glad you stopped by. Come Fill Your Cup is a group of Christian ladies dedicated to equipping women for study and service. We know you are busy and that life’s hectic pace pulls you in so many directions, but you can’t truly be the woman God desires unless you take time to fill your own cup…not with spa days (though we love a good spa!) or the latest novel…but with God’s Holy Word. We want to help you with that! Our goal is to reach you in the midst of your busy day and give you encouragement, education, and fellowship as you strive to live the life God has laid before you. Our prayer is that we can help fill your cup so that you, in turn, can overflow to all those around you. So, as we like to say…come fill your cup, and let it overflow!
You referred to that someone people want to use this to claim she was a “working woman”. I don’t think we can say for sure one way or the other. She would HAVE to leave her home to “consider” a field, meaning she would have to go look at the field; therefore leave her home. She would more than likely leave her home to sell her garments she made in the marketplace. She may or may not have taken her children with her, Proverbs 31 does not say either way. I think some people are too quick to say that she stayed home or that she worked outside the home, I think she did both, she found a balance. I want people to know that it is possible to do both, to work and be a Christian mother. I HAVE to do both, and I don’t want people to look down on me. Trust me I would rather be at home with my children, but that is not an option I have. I have done a study on Proverbs 31 and have a different perspective. Thank you for your perspective. My prayer is that SAHM and Working moms could support each other and not look down on each other for which route their lives have taken.
I do not look down on women who have to work outside the home to make ends-meat! I can’t imagine how hard that would be to have to balance both! I thank God that I am in a position to be able to stay at home with my child. But what I was pointing out is that we know that God does want women to stay home with their families (Titus 2:5). And from Proverbs 31 (from my study) I found that every hard working accomplishment she did would be able to be done from her home. Even if she had to go drop off her garments in the marketplace, or go look at a field, this is not saying she worked FROM the home (or had a career outside of her home). I know lots of SAHM who have jobs that they can run from their homes to help out their family financially(pampered chef, sewing business, catering food, etc.) and sometimes when the dad is home, or when they can bring their kids, they do things around town. But this is not a career outside of home. I hope no one takes this as I am condeming women who HAVE to work from home, but from the study I have done, I do not see that the Prov 31 woman is a career woman. Thanks for your comment! I enjoy getting everyone’s input 🙂
This is one of my favorite passages. Its so true that God lays out everything we need in the bible. This just reminds me how it is essential that we, as women, read this often to remind us of our obligations.
Thank you for this. Looking forward to part II.
Melissa, I think that we tend to overlook the fact that her work “outside” the home were extensions of her household duties. And yes, she would have had to leave the home sometimes, we all do, it’s impossible not to! I truly understand that there are some women who have no choice but to work outside the home, many times by no fault of their own, but I think we really need to take a good look at God’s ideal for the home, shown here in Proverbs 31. Women need to realize that they are filling an important role, one that’s critical to the well being of their families. Unfortunately there are many women who are not in your situation, choosing to
work in other careers simply because that’s the way the world tells us it should be, because of material “wants” , not “needs”. However, we should always remember that we need to be encouraging one another in a loving manner.
First I’m sorry that I got so defensive. Just this week I had someone tell me that my parents were raising my children. They babysit my children while my husband and I work. No they don’t raise them, my husband and I raise them. I’ve had people tell me before if you really loved your children you would figure out a way to make it work. I’m just very defensive because I think so many people just automatically make judgements and look down on mothers who work, not knowing the entire truth of their situation. In my study here of the Proverbs 31 woman here is what I have gleaned from it:
Up until this past year I used to think I failed miserably at trying to live up to this “perfect” woman; however someone had me recently look at these verses again, through a new perspective. If you look at these verses this lady was a working mom, whether she took her children with her not is not known, but she did conduct business outside the home. In verse 16 it says that she bought fields, planted vineyards, and used her earnings. In verse 18, it says that she saw to it that her profits were good. She made money for her family. The Proverbs 31 woman also had servants ((verse 15) This lady was a good manager of her household, which means she also knew when to delegate tasks. As I read Proverbs 31, I think that if we strive to be the woman whose husband can trust and praise her, whose children call her blessed and who fears the Lord, then all these things will fall into place, our household and our work.
As far as Titus 2:5 goes it says we should be subject to our husbands. My husband wants and needs me to work. If it was left up to him to be the sole income, he would have to work more than one job and he wouldn’t get time with our children. And in the end that would not be good for them.
I agree that we are to be obedient to our husbands! That is a huge part of being a Titus 2 woman. I do not know your entire financial situation, but it sounds like you are struggling. I have seen many couple in your situation that need the mom to work for a short while until they can figure out their finances. Sometimes, if there is no other way, that is something that has to be done! That is between you, your husband and God. If your family is not going to survive without you working, then you should probably work until you can get it figured out. So I really don’t want you to think I am thinking badly of you. But I believe that we need to take Titus 2:5 seriously and do everything in our power to fulfill it! If that means working for awhile or at nights until you can stay at home, then that may be your only option! Titus 2 says we are to be homemakers (keepers of the home). The end of the verse says “that the word of God may not be blasphemed”. This is serious stuff! That is why I do not believe that Proverbs 31 woman had a career outside of her home. Yes, I believe that she did projects that helped make her family money, but never does it say she had a career outside of her home. God makes it clear what He wants the woman to do, and having the Proverbs 31 woman (who is our example of the ideal woman) be a career “working woman” would be going against what God’d plan for the family is. I am not trying to discourage the single moms (widows, husbands left them) who can’t stay home! That is a situation that is out of their control. But I believe the goal should be that husbands and wives should be prayerfully working towards getting the moms back in the home.
I’m not saying she had a career, but she had a job or multiple jobs. I don’t believe I have a career, I have a job. I still believe even with my job I am the homemaker. I do over 90% of what someone might call the normal wifely duties. My husband cooks some and I cook some, that is the big chore we share, and that is only because he enjoys it and he is a better cook than me. I just think that people need to look at all sides of this equation and just because a woman works doesn’t necessarily mean her children and home are suffering. My working doesn’t mean that I can’t raise faithful children. I know some women who are supposedly SAHMs but if you looked at what they do and what I do, you could see I actually spend more time taking care of my children, husband, and home, and spending time with them, than they do. Again, sorry to be defensive, I just want people to understand that you can do both when you have to, God helps you accomplish both, being the homemaker and working outside the home. After I had my first child I changed my schedule, I work 4 days instead of 5 to give me more time at home. I am constantly working on the balance. I take off when they are sick, or random times for us to do something. I call and check on them every day, etc.. I do the best I can.
When I first became a Christian my MIL was very adamant that a woman could not, in any fashion, work outside the home…. yet she had no problem with me having a “daycare” in my home. That just doesn’t make any sense to me. In my opinion that misses the point of what these passages are truly teaching. Whether the Proverbs 31 woman worked outside the home or from her home, was a career woman or simply had a job….. who knows. From the passage we cannot say. What we can say is that everything she did was for the betterment of her family. Her focus, her priority in all that she did was in the care of her family. We need to be able to say the same thing, no matter what our situation may be.
I am appalled at the comments that are being made about mother’s working. People please come back to reality. Women have to work outside the home in order for her FAMILY to survive. GOD gave all us brains and I think that at times we choose to not use them. There is no way possible that we can live by the Proverbs Woman in today’s world. There is nothing wrong with beleiving and living a christian life, but some take it to an extreme. ALL that live a PERFECT life here on earth raise your hand. The problem today is you have people like Alicia that think that you can live completely by the way things were back in bibilcal days. I am truely glad that on judgement day GOD will be my JUDGE and JURY. I don’t have to wait for mortals to condem me for what they think GOD ment. Melissa keep doing what you are doing. I am a working mother. I have to work in order for my children to eat and have a roof over their head. Alicia could you explain to my children that they can’t eat because a Proverbs woman can’t work outside the home. My children were not born out of wedlock. They were the product of my marriage. However I am the only parent in the home now. Proverbs is from the Old Testament, we are currently living under New Testament law.
I don’t think that’s entirely fair. She doesn’t seem to be condemning anyone. She stated that is what sometimes has to be done, but doesn’t think it is the Biblical ideal. I think most working women I know, Christian or not, would rather spend more time with their children and less time at their job. Sometimes it’s not realistic, but it certainly seems preferable to most.
While it isn’t common, some women are in situations where they don’t have to work. I don’t have kids, but when I do I hope that I’m in that situation. My mother wasn’t. Like you, she has my brother and me while married and then was suddenly in the position of being a single mom and I’m thankful every day of my life that she worked to provide for me the way she did. It’s an extremely difficult thing to do and that is hard to understand by anyone who has never been in that position. You are taking care of and providing for your children and doing what needs to be done. I don’t think anyone would (or should) fault you for that. And the above comments don’t make me think that any one of these women would.
On a different note, the discussions about job, careers, and the like seem like a lot of semantics. Treading into what exactly defines a “job” or a “career” and what specifically is or isn’t acceptable within those boundaries seems like sticky territory with no real way of knowing.
I applaud all those moms who do what it takes to raise their children well.
“On a different note, the discussions about job, careers, and the like seem like a lot of semantics. Treading into what exactly defines a “job” or a “career” and what specifically is or isn’t acceptable within those boundaries seems like sticky territory with no real way of knowing.”- I agree with this. Definitions are tricky.
So, I personally know stay-at-home moms who work in and out of their homes. Two examples of moms who consider themselves stay-at-home but work are a microbiologist who works twice a month in a lab and a freelance photographer who has at least two projects going on each month for weddings, engagement, senior portraits, etc (shoots are onsite, editing takes place at home). They have jobs from the degrees they obtained in college, but working is not the focus of their life. Their families are the focus, but they believe that their work helps the family financially.
I’ve heard their husbands praise these wives for many things such as being strong Christians, homemakers, and helpers in keeping finances stable for the family. They certainly sound like Proverbs 31 women to me.
Maybe the idea is balance and putting God as the focus helps us to accomplish more than we think we can? Maybe either way it’s okay to have a job, or not have a job but again, either way, none of it is the end-all, be-all of life? Maybe being a woman with the right heart serving God in whatever capacity she can without fear and worry is the point, and that’s what ultimately matters?
I love the topic of being a “keeper of the home.” I have been blessed with being a full-time mom for 30 yrs. It has been very, very hard financially, but I would never change anything! I know it is so hard to make ends meet for families. It always has been and always will be. No one is judging anyone if they work outside the home. Proverbs 31 shows us that woman can bring in some money for her family, but it also shows us how. We must be careful to not change the intent of the scriptures just because we live in the future of when Proverbs was written. We must all place in our minds, “What was God’s plan for man and woman?” I know man tries to change God’s plans, but as Christians we can strive to please Him and we will be blest. My heart goes out to single moms and those who have to work outside of the home. May your days be light and your children close! ??
intent from the very beginning?” and “What pleases God not man?” We can bring in money and help out and still be the “keeper of the home.” God, Family, Finances, and Fun…. we can do it all to God’s glory! But always keep God first!
Alicia,
Thanks for your thoughts on this subject. I think that too often we fall into the world-view of what we should do instead of the Biblical-view. I completely agree with the previous poster who commented about needs vs wants. I know there are some families who do not have a choice about the wife working outside of the home, but there are also some who do it simply for luxuries they would like to enjoy, etc. I heard a woman (not a member of the church) say a few weeks ago, “My husband isn’t a doctor, so I have to work.” There are many, many families who make financial sacrifices in order for the wife to be a keeper at home. May we all strive to be a Titus 2 woman and do what we need to do to get to that point.
I appreciate your study and thoughts on this chapter!