when it comes to understanding and accepting that God has created different roles for men and women, the concept suddenly becomes difficult to a lot of people.
Have you ever tried to make a piece of toast in the mircrowave? Try putting a piece of bread in the microwave and turn it on high for about 30 seconds. Chances are, you are not going to get a golden brown piece of toast. What about frying an egg in the toaster? How well do you think that would work? It’s pretty obvious that toasters aren’t made to fry eggs. We understand that various appliances have unique functions; not all have the same purpose. However, when it comes to understanding and accepting that God has created different roles for men and women, the concept suddenly becomes difficult to a lot of people. Granted, the make-up of men and women is a lot more complicated than your average appliance, but the truth is: God has indeed designed men and women differently and in keeping with that, he has given each a particular area of work in which they are to focus their energies.
In order to be a successful mother,
we must UNDERSTAND our role.
“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled” Titus 2:3-5.
Feminism has made a valiant effort to destroy the distinctions between men and women
Feminism has made a valiant effort to destroy the distinctions between men and women, as well as to undermine those who choose to respect God’s Word on the matter and work within the framework of their particular role. Unfortunately, the church has not gone unaffected. A few weeks ago I met a lady at a worship service and we began visiting about my daughter’s upcoming wedding. She asked how Julia met her then soon-to-be husband and then proceeded to relate how her husband’s nephew had met his wife. She commented that the nephew’s wife had gone to school and had earned her Master’s degree. She then made the statement “Now all she does is take care of her children.” The implication was clear: this woman wasn’t living up to her full potential because she wasn’t working in the profession for which she had been educated.
God, the Master Designer, created man and woman with unique abilities which enable them to carry out their particular role, and when both are living out God’s purpose in their lives, they compliment one another in a beautiful way. Man’s purpose is to work to provide for the physical needs of his family and to lead his family spiritually. Woman’s purpose is to be a helpmeet to her husband (Genesis 2:18), to be a worker at home (Titus 2:5), and to do her part to train another generation of men and women to be faithful servants of God. When one tries to fulfill the purpose of the other, things don’t turn out so well. The home is the foundation upon which a society stands or falls, and it has been proven time and time again, when men and women abandon their God-given roles, deterioration of that society follows.
Let’s give some thought to the mixed messages we often send to our daughters. On one hand, we teach them, at least in theory, that when they get married and have kids, they should work at home and care for their family. On the other hand, as soon as they graduate from high school, we press them to choose a secular career, more often than not go into thousands of dollars of debt for desired career, and leave home to accomplish it. Time and time again my daughters have received, at the very least, a raised eyebrow and a few facial expressions indicating disapproval and disappointment when they’ve responded to people’s interrogations about their future with “I plan to continue working at home in order to prepare myself to be a wife and mother.” Can we not see a problem here when young women are scorned for making such a decision? Choosing to take this path is not equivalent to foregoing education. Going through a “system” of institutionalized education, costing tens of thousands of dollars, is not the only way to increase one’s knowledge.
I would like to challenge each of us to put as much energy into being a successful help-meet and mother as one would put into being a doctor or lawyer or teacher.
I would like to challenge each of us to put as much energy into being a successful help-meet and mother as one would put into being a doctor or lawyer or teacher. If you are not yet married, dedicate your time and energy to preparing yourself for that high calling, and hold your head up high, in spite of any criticism you might face because of your decision. If you are a mother, refresh your zeal, renew your dedication to serve your family with gladness. Spend some time self-evaluating how you are training your daughter to accomplish the work God has set for her to do.
Embrace the work God has designed especially for you,
instead of simply enduring it.
By Joy Jensen
Joy and her husband George live and serve as missionaries in Iringa, Tanzania, East Africa. They have four children, and a much-loved son-in-law. You can follow her adventures (and find many wonderful posts) at her blog.
Welcome! We are so glad you stopped by. Come Fill Your Cup is a group of Christian ladies dedicated to equipping women for study and service. We know you are busy and that life’s hectic pace pulls you in so many directions, but you can’t truly be the woman God desires unless you take time to fill your own cup…not with spa days (though we love a good spa!) or the latest novel…but with God’s Holy Word. We want to help you with that! Our goal is to reach you in the midst of your busy day and give you encouragement, education, and fellowship as you strive to live the life God has laid before you. Our prayer is that we can help fill your cup so that you, in turn, can overflow to all those around you. So, as we like to say…come fill your cup, and let it overflow!
Great insight, Joy – you’re such a good writer and wonderful example for me! Thanks!!
My girls have just started getting the questions (Where do you want to go to college, and what do you want to be when you grow up?). So far, no negative comments when they say they want to be wives & mothers someday, but I know there will be some along the way.
Any advice on how to handle the criticism that may come their way?
What an encouraging article, thank you Joy! I was one of those girls who planned on staying home with my children, but went to college anyway. I ended up getting married after 2 years, and quit school when I did. It was so discouraging to have everyone (except my husband and family) telling me how sorry I would be if I didn’t finish. I’m thankful now that I get to spend every day with my children, and I wouldn’t trade that for any degree or amount of money!
I appreciated the thoughtful words of a “stay at home” working mother. I am a stay at home mother of 3 (soon to be 4) and I work harder now than I did before as a Full-time Kindergarten teacher. Only now can I say that in true realization.
However, I did go to college, receive my Education Degree and teach for 5 years in an elementary school. I do not regret my decision to get a degree and for the time I used it, even while having children from which I had to spend time away from.
I believe that we as women do have different designed roles and are to fulfill those roles differently and as God intended. I also believe that I have been a helpmeet, in a variety of ways, to my husband and have aided him in being able to fully financially support his family while working outside of the home along side of him while he completed his Masters.
I enjoy being home with my children now and do see the HUGE benefit in having more time at home to complete chores, teach my children more about God’s word, etc.
I am also thankful that God has lead me thus far in my life and that I do have education to fall back on, as well as His care, if anything were to ever happen to my husband.
All mothers are hard working. 🙂 That is basically the definition.
Jennifer, a few thoughts on your question. Before graduation my husband and I were trying to help our daughters decide what their next step in “schooling” would be. They are what I would call conscientious objectors, and they both kept reminding us that there is not one thing that they would want to do with their future that would require a degree. Not one. They have both loved their jobs along the way, and have been able to save money, and bless their local congregation and family by staying around a little longer than your average kid, for which I am very grateful. The questions keep coming, relentlessly, mostly from other Christians who truly believe that they need to “find themselves” at a college campus, and what about if they never get married, or their husband dies. The answer is still the same. There is not one thing they want to do with their life that requires a degree. It would have to come from their own convictions though, because as young adults they had to make their own decisions, and that’s why they were able to handle it.
Sometimes you don’t get to do what you want to do and an education is something that can never be taken from you. I finished my degree while starting my family and glad I did
I want to say that I got my degree and worked for a few years before I met my husband and then after we got married. I was able to help with the finances so we could save money for a house and be stable when we started having kids. I am so very glad that I did. We also both knew that when we started to have children that I was not going to work again until they went to college. I am also very proud to know women who have degrees in areas were they could be making over 100,000 a year but choose to stay home because they know it is worth so much more. A few of these women waited later in life to get married and have children so I don’t see a degree as a bad thing.
I agree that there is more to education that going to college for a degree of some sort, but I disagree with the premise that college (or another form of education) is a negative. I did not marry until I was 28 and did not have children until I was 30. Before then I earned a college degree and even a master’s degree. Having those degrees have been very valuable. There have been times when my husband has been unemployed and I have been able to make enough money to keep us out of welfare and from borrowing from friends and family. As a homeschooling parent, I am given more respect in general by those around me because I completed college. If the unthinkable happens and I lose my husband thru death or divorce, I know that I can return to the workforce and support my children without working multiple low paying jobs. I also know of at least one state that says parents cannot homeschool their children in high school without a college degree. Let us not forget the women who never marry. Furthering education is a personal choice, and it should be prayerfully considered, pros and cons, by all women.
Dear Joy and ladies,
Thank you for this well written article. I would like to mention that while this is certainly an emotionally charged topic, It seems like one of the main points of this post might have been missed. The young lady who chooses to further her education in mothering and housekeeping, is often told that she is wasting her time. She is told she is being foolish and even in the church, older women try to talk her out of her decision. For the very reasons that many of the Mommas and Wives are feeling defensive and have articulated in their responses to this article, we often do not even know how we sound to each other.
To encourage a young women straight out of highschool to stay home and learn to be a wife and mother, is really, rather unheard of in this generation. And for a young girl to do this cheerfully, is even stranger. Looking at this from a Biblical standpoint, we really cannot find anything in the world to argue with, as a matter of fact, we will find many reasons to agree with this logic.
Whether this is a decision your family comes to or not, at least it is something we should encourage when we see a young woman choose this and we should not try to tell her she is foolish, or become defensive when our family makes a different choice. Personally, I hope that is something we can gleen from this emotionally stimulating article, and all the wives and mommas can continue growing in love for one another.
May God continue to bless this discussion.
Hooray for such a lovely, encouraging and gentle article, Joy! And thank you for kindly drawing everyone back to the needed point of the article, Laura. AMEN to encouraging our precious daughters to be convicted, content and fulfilled with the idea of being a stay at home wife and momma. There is no higher calling. Love you all!
~debbie
I could be completely off-base on this but it makes me wonder if we might be “missing something” in the grand scheme of things. I agree that we need to be teaching girls what the Bible says about the women’s role within the marriage relationship and within the home but I do not agree that she doesn’t need to get any further education under any circumstances. That’s ultimately her choice and we should respect that choice, regardless of what it is. I guess where I differ is that I don’t agree that a woman must marry and have children to be pleasing to God. If she so chooses I think she can stay single, have a career and use her abilities in service to God without a husband and children and be just as pleasing to God.
So, with that said, times are different. In Bible times the young women had no other options. The only way they were cared for was under the care and protection of their father and then that was transferred to their husbands upon marriage. Which was really, really young (probably upon sexual maturity….shortly after their first period?) and they had no choice in who they married. They didn’t marry for “love” they married for “necessity”. They needed a man to support them and protect them. That in our day and age has changed. We might be 30 before we “fall in love” and get married. In the meantime, life continues and we must choose what we do…. college, job, home? I think what is chosen in that time frame is up to that girl and probably her father. Unless that father “married her off” as they did in Bible times then why shouldn’t college be a viable option if she so chooses? (although I do agree that it can send a mixed message at times, we do need to be sure our girls understand how important their job as wife and mother is).
I guess I’m wondering if we hold to exactly what we see happening in this regard with young girls from o.t. examples then I don’t understand where we make our distinctions…. since I don’t see too many these days arranging marriages for their daughters right out of high school (but we are allowing them to “fall in love” which is the why for this whole discussion….?).
It is a very intersting topic and I am enjoying following along and contemplating the many ideas and thoughts presented. Thanks!
Great article, Joy. Your thoughts are always so close to my own! My three graduated (high school) daughters never desired a college career. And through teaching and example we have taught them that God will always take good care of them, now and in the future. Even with the tragedy of widowhood, God will take care of mothers so they can be home with their children. I know we need women with different educations to help us in this world. Some will never marry. But all godly woman must be careful of who they make the “master” of their life. I would truly love to see more woman relax and enjoy the “busy-ness” of homemaking and mothering to the fullest potential. God will bless you and take care of you and yours! Hold fast to God’s promises. ?