I felt my body changing with pregnancy. I felt the roundness of the belly, slight at first then becoming more pronounced. I became aware that my body was gearing up to bring forth a life. Even more than being aware of my own body, was the awareness that there was a life inside of me. This incredible realization that I would bring into this world a living being! We told everyone of our good news; we were proud and smiling like idiots. Nothing could touch us, we were pregnant! And then it happened.
At the time that I experienced this loss, I could not understand why this had happened. I could not understand how God could have done this to me! Was He angry at me? I was a good person; did I not deserve good things? I was an emotional basket case, I was angry and I was grieving. It is normal to grieve a loss of a child, but losing one prior to childbirth is more difficult because it is not so obvious to those that are not close enough to the situation to see it, therefore they are insensitive to our pain. There are some things that as Christians we must take comfort in, because we are blessed with a loving Father who sees our pain and is not insensitive to it at all. Today we will look at three aspects of losing a child: the grieving, the trials and the consequences of suffering a loss and how it too can bring us closer to God.
Grieving is normal. This is a real loss. That being said, we can take comfort in the fact that while we will not know or hold this child here on earth, we are losing them to Heaven, not to Hell. We will see this child in Heaven someday! As hard as it sounds we can rejoice in the fact that they are in with our heavenly father! Is that not our goal, to get to Heaven? Just think, the child skipped all the suffering that we go through on earth and entered straight into Heaven! (Note: as with any loss, we must make sure that there is an “after” in the grieving process. Please see a doctor if the feelings of despair or loss are so bad that you contemplate suicide.)
The book of James touches on trials and the purpose of them. James1:2,3 tell us to “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” Are we to rejoice in our loss? Of course not! But we can know that if our faith is being tested, there are two ways we can react. Either it will strengthen our faith in God, or it will break us. How can we ensure that we walk away from this pain with stronger faith? Turn it over to God; find solace in His word and the best way to do all of this is through the power of prayer. James 5:16ff tells us that “the effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much” (NKJV).
As time goes on we become stronger, but then what? I have seen many times where women go through tough times, and then never speak about it again. They forget that the best person to console or comfort the suffering is someone who has gone through it themselves. How can we help? How about a visit with a woman in that situation just to let her talk? You could bring a meal to ease the burden during this tough time. You could even offer to take the other children she may have for an afternoon so that she can nap or just have a few hours by herself.
The best way that you can really help is to pray for her, and pray with her. The best thing that we can hope to come out of this situation is to help her get closer to God. Romans 8:28 tells us that “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” What better ending to a sad story than to have a stronger bond to our heavenly father? Pray about it, God will help you help the one who is hurting.
This had been a hard article for me to write. I have cried, felt nostalgic, and even felt physical pain in my chest remembering the times that I have lost a child. That’s right, times. I have three children, but my youngest was my seventh pregnancy. I have endured the pain of losing children before childbirth so many times that I have come to the conclusion that I was groomed for helping others cross over the pain and see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was baptized a month after my last ectopic pregnancy that ended abruptly. I firmly believe that God knows what He is doing, and needed another helper. I pray that if you are going through this loss that you will accept the challenge yourself. Know that God loves you, and He chose to hold your child for you until you join him in Heaven someday.
Fee and Dustin Rocha are both currently students at Bear Valley Bible Institute of Denver. They will be graduating in December and hope to take up work in their home state of California. They have three great children, whom Fee homeschools: Setti is 10, Hugh is 6 and Adam is 5. Dustin is Fee’s biggest literary fan, and she in turn cooks for him.