Find the Introduction HERE and Part One HERE

EDITOR’S NOTE: Adultery is a topic the Bible discusses frequently, yet is often neglected in our congregations and in our homes. Instead of perpetuating the misunderstanding, shame, and pain caused by remaining silent about this subject, Come Fill Your Cup is pleased to shine Christ’s light on the issue and present this spiritually-grounded series on marital infidelity from a sister who has lived through it.

Our prayer for you and plea to you is the same as Paul’s in Ephesians 5:11-13: “Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them…for all things become visible when they are exposed by the light.”

Part Two: Sharing or Airing?

Sin. It is part of the human experience. It is embarrassing, it can be awkward to discuss, but not doing so can keep us from heaven. As hard as it is, talking about sin is the first step to liberating us from it (James 5:16). If we don’t share our experience with sin, we won’t help others recover or avoid it. However, when it comes to sins committed in a marriage, we often tell people not to talk about it. Unfortunately, keeping it quiet has not helped marital betrayal vanish away; it has only helped it continue in quiet quarters while the victims live with damaged emotions and an incorrect view of their husbands and even of their Savior.

In speaking with other women, I’ve found three main reasons we don’t like to talk about marital betrayal. The first reason is it feels embarrassing. We don’t like to talk about a sin that we feel was our fault. We might feel like we aren’t pretty enough or fulfilling enough in the bedroom, which makes us feel like we are to blame for the break in our vows.  I’ve heard sisters say, “My husband and I have sex five nights a week; he’d never cheat.” Those assumptions and feelings have led us to think that if our husband cheats, it’s our own fault, and how embarrassing to admit we might be flawed sexually. But that’s a false line of thinking. If your spouse cheats, watches pornography, or lusts, that is not your fault. That, my friend, is sin. God made you (Psalm 139:14). Your body has nothing to do with your husband’s lack of self-control.

Secondly, we feel sharing means we are bad Christians because we’re sharing someone else’s sin. We applaud Joseph for his quiet and righteous handling of Mary (Matthew 1:19) and think that means we, too, must keep quiet. Joseph’s situation was far from a quiet thing, though: Here in 2025, people are still talking about Mary being with child before she got married! Joseph’s righteousness was seen in the mercy he displayed by not having her stoned and thus drawing more attention to her supposed sin. We can and should have that same attitude in dealing with a sinner. We can share our troubles without putting to death the entire character of a person. Let us not forget that Jesus was betrayed, too. Because He was feeling troubled, Jesus shared about His betrayal before it even happened (John 13:21)! It is safe to say that sharing is okay.

Telling your story does not make you unrighteous. Our stories, if handled with care, can help others. Look at all the sinners in scripture and how they taught us better ways. We are all but lowly sinners, saved by the blood of Christ, undeserving, and grateful for His mercy. God tells those of us who have been through trials to share the comfort that He has provided (2 Corinthians 1:2-4). Sisters, there is no comfort in silence.

The third reason we might not share is because of fear about how others might treat us or respond. We cannot control everyone’s reactions to our situation. Typically, when dealing with sin, we go to our elders first. Even though he cares for your soul, an elder may know nothing of the sleepless nights, the overwhelming thoughts, and the sexual trauma incurred through betrayal. Don’t hold that against the people who you thought should provide the biggest spiritual presence in your life during a hard time. Shepherds are not required to be therapists. Their purpose is to protect your soul, and they can still do that even if they don’t have an answer. We must be forgiving of people who have not had the experience needed to help; be thankful that they can’t fully understand. But don’t let mistreatment or mishandling stop you from seeking safe people to share with. 1 Corinthians 12:26 implies that, as a body, we should share in sorrows. That’s hard to do if they go unvocalized.

Being a Christian does mean we shouldn’t be continually airing our dirty laundry (Proverbs 11:13; 17:9), but we CAN righteously share our heartaches. Sharing is done with caring, and airing is done by erring. Sharing betrayal with others is done in a way that helps others understand your troubles; it tells your story. Airing uses speculative or vengeful words. When you are hurting because someone betrayed you, it is tempting to say things you shouldn’t. Nothing is as bad as being trapped in sin; don’t let your words be what stones the sinner. No one is without sin, and sin is the real enemy here. When sin is exposed, it begins to lose its power. Sisters, you have permission to acknowledge your pain!