For some odd (but sweet) reason my husband loves the big, frizzy, curly mess that is my hair. When the time comes that my hair is too out of control and I go to get it trimmed, he makes sure to tell me that he really wishes that I would not get it cut short or thinned. A couple of months ago my hair (once again) got out of control, so off the salon I went. The hairstylist told me that the best way to manage my hair would be to thin it out. It would still look the same but it would be easier to take care of. As she went for her scissors I told her “My husband is out in the waiting area and I need to talk to him first. He just loves my hair and so I want to check with him before I thin it.” That statement made her look at me like I was from Mars and had lost my brain somewhere. She just giggled and said “ooookay.” I am not telling this story to “toot my own horn,” but to make a point: being submissive and wanting to make your husband happy by doing what he asks of you is a foreign concept to women in today’s society!
We see women very often who claim to be submissive to their husbands; but, when their husbands ask them to do or not to do something that they really want, their husbands’ wants and desires go out the window. Are we allowed to be selfishly submissive? In 1 Peter 3:1 we are commanded to be submissive to our husbands. This passage does not command us to be submissive only if we want to. So long as your husband is not going against God’s will, then you must be submissive. The definition for “submissive” is: “inclined or ready to submit, unresistingly or humbly obedient.” Are we humbly obedient to our husbands’ wants and desires? We know that God commands us to never be selfish but to think of others first (Ephesians 5:21). This includes our husbands. We can clearly see that selfish submission is not something God desires from us as wives. If we women start being happily submissive, arguments in the home would be less and everyone in the family (including the children) will be happier.
If you have a good, godly husband who loves you and has his opinion of what hair style he likes on you, or what outfit he likes on you, or what color make up looks best, etc. You should feel so blessed! He loves you and the way you look a certain way and wants the best for you. This should make you want to love him enough to listen to his advice. Not that we cannot have our own opinion and talk things through with our husbands, but we should not go behind their backs and do the exact opposite of what they want. If we are submissive and want to make our husbands happy; then, more than likely they will want to make us happy as well. When I asked my husband at the hair salon if I could thin my hair a little so that it would be more manageable, he said “yes.” Work together as a couple to make each other happy. I know there are much bigger issues then what style hair you have (staying home with the kids, being submissive in worship, etc.). But hair seems to be a big disagreement between husbands and wives. We should want and be happy to fulfill our man’s wishes.
Submission should not be a “have to” command, but a “want to” command. Not only should we obey our husbands, but we should love to obey our husbands. A good marriage and unselfish marriage is both partners wanting the best for the other. If we love our husbands the way we should then we will want to make them happy!
By Alicia Bookout
Alicia and her husband, Garrett live in Clovis, NM where Garrett is the pulpit minister for 16th and Pile church of Christ. They have one sweet two-year old daughter, Emma. Alicia is a stay-at-home wife and mother. They both graduated from the Bear Valley Institute of Denver.
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Great article…I thought I was probably the only person who left my hair long because that is what my husband likes. I haven’t always, because I guess I didn’t recognize my hair as being a way to submit to him…we are both happy with my long hair, I’m glad I finally humbled myself to him in this, like I do with everything else. Also, I was particularly surprised by your church home. I attended 16th and Pile when I was in elementary. This was also my mom’s first church and where she and my dad were married. My aunt and uncle still live in Clovis and attend there:) Thanks again for the article!
Thank you for the kind words:) How neat!! Who are your aunt and uncle?
Dave and Jonnie Loadwick
I too have kept my hair long at my husband’s request. I recently had some cut off for a donation, but assured him I have no plans of keeping it that short. I consulted with him before I did it, and made sure he was fully behind the decision. Each time I go for a trim, I always tell my hair dresser that I will not cut off more than the split ends, because my husband wants it kept long. She has always been very nice about it. We have always discussed the role of a submissive wife, and we seem to notice that is a rarity these days, even among members of the church of Christ. I cannot say I do this perfectly, as I have a tendency to be too selfish when I should submit. This article reminds me that I need to work harder towards this goal. Thanks for writing it!
Good for all of you! I have said the exact same thing and people have told me–“It’s your hair. How do *you* want it?” My reply–“I want a haircut to make my husband happy. My husband is the one who has to look at it more than I do.”
I LOVE that reply!:) I’ll havet’a use that one.
Thank you. This is beautifully written. Submission is submission, period. It’s a good thing. I know so many Christian women with the attitude of “submission, my way” as if it were a joke.
Great article Alicia!!! Most women just don’t understand the depth that “submission” requires. It’s SO nice to hear these words coming from a younger woman!!! Love ya!!!
This made me smile because after work today I’m planning on going to get a haircut and feather extensions put in and I know my husband couldn’t care less about that or (almost) anything else I might do with it. BUT there are things he does care about and even though our ideas are sometimes entirely different, I go with what he wants because I know it will make him happy and he’s generally got a reason for it.
As a side note, I’ve never met a Bookout man who wasn’t fascinated with mass quantities of hair.
Great article Alicia!
Alicia, how did you know that I needed that article? ;o) My hubs as well loves long hair…not only out of personal preference, but because of 1 Corinthians 11:15 referring to it as being “a glory” for me. I personally would prefer my “glory” to be shorter and easier to handle with 3 sons and an in-home daycare (especially in the hot summer!), but the one time I cut it short/donated it, I saw how it broke his heart…I then realized just how much it meant to him. Now, well, bobby-pins are some of my best friends…and I remind myself how much I love him with every huge knot I tackle! :op
Very good article. It is amazing what a wonderful, fulfilling marriage you can have when you do submit to your husband. This shows your husband so much respect and that is what men crave!
Wonderful article, Alicia! “Not only should we obey our husbands, but we should LOVE to obey our husbands.” Amen to that, and what a great reminder for all of us. Keep up the great work, sister!
Great article!! I agree with Kathy, Loving to obey our husbands was my favorite part of this article, too! Our husbands can tell when we are obeying out of love or in spite. And don’t we love to be loved??
And I am so glad that Garrett loves your “big, frizzy, curly mess that is my (your) hair”… so do I
Love, Your Mom
Thanks for all the sweet comments and encouragement!! You ladies are wonderful!:D
Thanks for this article. The females in our home have long hair because it pleases the head of our home. If it were our idea, it wouldn’t be submission. Thanks for your encouragement.